“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said”. Peter Drucker
What would life be like if you didn’t have fear?
Perhaps you would take more risks, say what you want to say, how you want to say it, ask someone out on a date, introduce yourself to that interesting looking stranger, perhaps even walk naked down the street? Who knows?
But my experience is that this simple question exposes just how much our lives are dictated by fear: fear of what people will think of us, a fear of getting it wrong, making mistakes, looking bad… the list goes on and on doesn’t it?
And it’s really hard sometimes, isn’t it? There are so many forces at work in all of us: emotions, feelings, relationships, agendas, other relationships that have an impact on this moment, in the background. Wow, what a list of things we have to think about!
All this played out recently in my neighbourhood when a neighbour’s dog attempted to attack mine on three successive days. On two of those days we were both able to pull the dogs back on the leashes and on the third, the dog tore at mine, off his leash. I lifted my dog up, shouting at the owner to keep his dog on a leash and kicked the poor dog hard in the ribs. (Isn’t the problem the owner’s, not the dogs? Ahem, myself included!)
It has taken about a month to get to what I hope to be a resolution. I followed a fairly decent rational protocol sending him WhatsApp messages saying I had appreciated if we could talk but they went unanswered.
I called him but he didn’t pick up the phone. Eventually I knocked on the door and asked if we could speak, something I would far rather not have done. I could feel his brisling, tightening and defensive tone because I think he knew exactly what I wanted to talk about but he seemed to feign ignorance.
My only brief to myself was to approach with love and calmness and to remember to ‘be kind, for we all fight mighty battles.’ I know myself well enough to know that I can be an angry dog if I choose to be and I knew that it would only make matters worse.
Luckily, I was able to manage myself and we had a constructive conversation. He agreed to keep his dog on a lead at all times and to ensure that the loud barking stops at 20h30 when he puts him in doors.
I noticed the almost addictive pull I had to be ‘right’ and make him ‘wrong,’ and to ‘dominate’ and bully him was so present for me and yet I also knew that it was a fairly simple – not easy – task to approach it in the right, and best way possible.
The ‘structure’ I used was from Non-Violent Communication:
Share Facts – what happened?
Share feelings.
Share what you need.
Make a request.
Show appreciation.
It really works!
If you are someone like me, who battles with these kinds of incidents, why not take one of them and let’s have a conversation about it?
Drop me a line or give me a call.
Mojestically yours!
Si.
P.S. Find out your Mojo score by completing the anonymous 2-minute Mojo-Meter here:
Perhaps you are familiar with ‘Austin Powers’ who for many of us made Mojo a bit of a household name. This is him at the top, played by Mike Myers. Here’s an excerpt from the movie, The spy who shagged me.
Basically Mojo – which I describe through the acronym, PEACH (Passion, Energy, Authenticity, Confidence and Humour) – is ‘the good stuff,’ namely some or all of the following.
I wonder which words jump out at you? Why not complete the Mojo-Meter here and find out your Mojo Score?
I must admit, I’ve been ‘low-Mojo,’ or ‘Lojo’ for about 2 weeks, dealing with a particular challenge in a significant relationship.
I know what to do: speak my truth, share my feelings, be vulnerable, take action, be courageous, etc. And yet I don’t, (which is a particular bother, given that I am a life coach, helping people get their Mojos back! This Mojonaire’s mojo as gone AWOL.)
What’s going on?
I have been captive to my thoughts. I have been saying things like:
What’s the point?
It’s useless!
I’m stuck.
I can’t go on like this.
I have been actually believing them. I have been in the drama. I have been receiving a grand payoff for them, e.g., Poor me, I am powerless, I can’t do anything about it.
I don’t want to share this stuff with you by the way, for fear that you will think I am idiot, but I trust that you will get it and relate to my current human struggle!
And then yesterday, I turned a corner, got a glimmer of light. I can’t say it was one thing, more a conglomeration of thoughts – other ones! – ideas and reflections, but my coach challenged me by saying I was not stepping up and taking action. He was right. Sometimes it takes that, to shake us awake from the ‘dream.’
I realised that I had the finger pointed over there, rather than looking within myself and asking (with the help of my coach):
What do I want?
What am I willing to create?
To generate?
To make a stand for?
How can I blow the lid of it and really be me?
I realised that I was stopping myself.
So today, already, I have had a great day. I have been having fun, being mischievous, catching myself when I tell myself I am being too much, over the top of inappropriate, and going for it anyway.
I went to the hospital for a minor procedure and asked an elderly woman and her friend who were puffing and panting along the corridor if they were okay. Her friend said she had cancer. I offered my concern and then asked if I could give her a piggyback to where she was going. They both laughed. The friend wanted to come too. We all laughed. I felt great, I think they did too. Just a brief respite from the seriousness and torture in our heads; the thoughts our minds churn out!
I have been listening to Sam Harris’ Waking Up’, and his excellent 1-minute ‘moments.’ Here was the one this morning. Kind of says it all really…
No matter how good life gets the opportunity to suffer is ever present. Although wealth and fame can secure many forms of pleasure, few of us have any illusions that they guarantee happiness.
Anyone who owns a television or a computer, has seen movie stars, politicians, professional athletes and other celebrities ricochet from marriage to marriage and from scandal to scandal only to learn that a young attractive talented and successful person is nevertheless addicted to drugs or clinically depressed.
We are given almost no cause for surprise and yet the unsatisfactoryness of ‘the good life; runs deep, even while living safely between emergencies, most of us feel a wide range of painful emotions on a daily basis.
When you wake up in the morning are you filled with joy? How do you feel at work or when looking in the mirror? How satisfied are you with what you’ve accomplished in life? How much of your time with your family is spent feeling real love and gratitude and how much is spent struggling just to feel okay in one another’s company?
Even for extraordinarily lucky people life is difficult and when we look at what makes it difficult, we see that we are all prisoners of our thoughts. Pay attention to this your relationship to thought will almost entirely determine the quality of your life and it will also determine how much value you can add to the lives of others.
Stay well and watch those thoughts and remember the old one,
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” Frank Outlaw, Late President of the Bi-Lo Stores.
Want to get your Mojo* back, or find it or keep it? (*P.E.A.C.H: Passion, Energy, Authenticity, Confidence and Humour.) Click on this link and find out what your Mojo-Meter Rating is?
Mojestically yours,
Si.
P.S. Find out more about what I do and how I can help with the following offerings
Information on my individual and group Mojo Coaching
Get your Mojo Back – A 2-day Course in the forest where you will access the magical power of your Mojo.
The Interactive Digital and in-person Mojo Dojo Course.
Attend my monthly 90-minute Mojo Storytelling where you’ll discover the transformative effect of your stories.
What are the 4 biggest challenges my clients, men and people, face?
Here are 3 stories to illustrate, with 4 pointers at the end:
Client Steve has a challenge with a boss who he doesn’t get on with, doesn’t like as a leader and thinks that he leaves a trail of destruction in the organisation. He has tried speaking to him, tried having heart to hearts and attempting to cover every angle but nothing is making a difference.
But now he has been offered a promotion with another organisation – it’s bigger, better, and potentially far more rewarding. He wants to leave with all parties bigger, stronger, and wiser.
But he is stuck. I ask him what a great question would be to ask him, to help him get unstuck. He laughs, because it is always the same – as a devout Christian, he asks, “what would Jesus do?” He chuckles as he knows the answer: be loving, forgiving, unexpectedly generous, compassion and non-judgmental. He can now leave, free, self-expressed and marching boldly to his next assignment. There is closure.
Client Matt’s challenge is that he has set himself a world-record in his discipline and age group and is facing doubts: his inner critic is playing havoc, telling him how useless he is and that he will never do it. The noise in his head is from the past: don’t quit, like you did when you didn’t follow through on your swimming and rugby career. It’s the reason this has so much meaning for him. When prompted for the solutions he knows: follow the plan and stay in the moment. It’s all there is. He is on track for the big day on Saturday. He may break the record, but having fun is the key.
Client Roger’s challenge – we worked together 12 years ago and lost touch – is that he wants his Mojo back; he wants power in his life, to put to bed loose ends, a marriage breakup and a dying business, his retirement plan, which was decimated by Covid. In two short months he is back at the gym, taken the decision to close the business of 12 years and has taken responsibility for what went wrong in his relationship. He is freed up and going places and is on day 50 of doing 100 press ups per day, with the goal of doing it for 365 or more. He had not done a press up in years.
Can you see consistent themes in these 4 people? What are the common denominators?
I have been working and studying the findings, of what men’s biggest ‘Mojo Stealers’ are, and I recently had a brainwave: Look to The Four Agreements. It’s a great book by Don Miguel Ruiz, that advises following the following the Four Agreements for living a great life:
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
Can you see which of these (broken) agreements apply, above, and how they are fixed, by keeping to the agreements?
If you’re interested in getting your Mojo back, please be in touch or at least why don’t you click on this link and find out what’s your Mojo-Meter Ratingis?
Mojestically yours,
Si.
P.S. Find out more about what I do and how I can help with the following offerings
Information on my individual and group Mojo Coaching
Get your Mojo Back – A 2-day Course in the forest where you will access the magical power of your Mojo.
The Interactive Digital and in-person Mojo Dojo Course.
Attend my monthly 90-minute Mojo Storytelling where you’ll discover the transformative effect of your stories.
In all honesty it didn’t start off as a noble cause but evolved into something that I find special: Helping men get their Mojo back.
Back in 1997, I was a photojournalist, and not a very happy one. I didn’t have a great sense of purpose and direction and was in a career I had kind of fallen into. That year I was invited to attend a self-development seminar, and boy, did the lights come on! It was essentially coaching and what struck me was that I realised after all these years I wasn’t that stupid! You see, I had really struggled academically at school, working my ass off to get the minimum requirement to become an officer in the British Army. I thought that my grades were me and that because I got flatline average grades, that made me flatline average.
I could not have been more wrong.
On the seminar, the instructor shared ideas that I recognised as ‘truth’ but which I had never learned about or had access to, my intuition told me that I ‘was home.’
He spoke about telling the truth to oneself, being authentic, not being so worried about what ‘you think others are thinking about you,’ and being straight in communication.
My world seemed to expand in a moment as I saw new frontiers, new possibilities and new opportunities unfold before my eyes. I knew that this was what I wanted to do and by the end of the seminar, I had my future mapped out, or at least a place to aim at. I could see not only possibilities for myself, but also in helping others in their lives too.
I acknowledged that I was a novice and needed some guidance and coaching to get going and hired a coach to assist, most of all in having a target to focus on. Pretty soon we settled on entrepreneurs, which were in no short supply this being the time of the dot.com mania in the late nineties, where work, money and opportunities seemed to exist aplenty.
In 2001 I finally made the move back to South Africa and kept on with the coaching however my focus drifted and whilst I still coached entrepreneurs and small business owners mostly that initial velocity waned somewhat. At this time coaching began to burgeon.
In 2011 I had my next ‘re-invention’ which was as a ‘Teacher of Courage.’ Boy was I and well, just about everyone enthused by this! But alas, nothing really got going as I had imagined and hoped.
I couldn’t work it out.
Then, in 2021, I attended a 9-month marketing course with 15 other consultants and coaches. I was the youngest on the course at 54 the oldest been 84! I did because I was sick of not being able to introduce my services to people where things would happen on the scale, I believed was possible.
The instructor on the course, Robert Middleton, an expert in small business marketing, challenged my attachment and enthusiasm for the word courage by saying that it’s pitfall, as it is a direct challenge to people’s – particularly men’s – ego; after all we are quite self-deluded when it comes to our perception of ourselves, versus reality! Many of us think we are far more courageous, more often, than we are!
I can’t remember exactly how it happened, but Mojo made an appearance. It’s a wonderful word, full of mystery, humour, laughter, music, energy, life-force and so on. In essence mojo is ‘courage repackaged.’ Courage is all about heart – as is Mojo – from the Latin cor and the age meaning movement. At last I had found my groove and when I – along with universe’s help – came up with helping men get their Mojo back, the response was far more enthusiastic because I was addressing a target market as well as a need, and after all, many of us men had either lost our Mojo, never found it, or want it back! (I define Mojo as P.E.A.C.H – Passion, Energy, Authenticity, Confidence and Humour.)
So, I guess men have ‘found me’ as I have ‘found men’ too. Over the years 95% of my clients have been men. So, I guess it wasn’t really that complicated other than when I look in the mirror, I see people like me that I coach I suppose like energy attracts like energy.
And I suppose as an ‘accidental coach of men’ I am now seeing just now important it is and that men and young boys get the help and support we need, as women and young girls in many areas surge ahead, which is a great thing, as this video, below, so eloquently and beautifully depicts.
If you’re interested in getting your Mojo back, please be in touch or at least why don’t you click on this link and find out what’s your Mojo-Meter Ratingis?
Mojestically yours,
Si.
P.S. What help do you need? Drop me a line
• Your Best year yet Mojo Dojo Support Yearly Support Programme (expires 28th Feb 2023) • Get your Mojo Back – A 2-day Course in the forest • Personal and Group Mojo Coaching • The online Mojo Dojo Course in getting your Mojo back • The free monthly Mojo Storytelling on the last Friday of the month.
How is the year going for you so far? Here we are at the start of February 2023. Are you where you wanted to be when you ‘set those resolutions?’
Where would I be without setting goals, having a plan and support structure?
The answer is in a very different place that I am now. I have the following support structures:
A personal and business coach
A financial partner
A personal assistant
A social media person
A training, diet and exercise buddy
A ‘PUNK’ group on WhatsApp (as in Press-Up’s and Plank) where we report in each and every day on our progress, (two guys of are doing 36,500 press ups this year.)
Sidenote: sometimes my mind hates this sh*t. It sometimes says to me, “forget it! Where’s the freedom in that? I don’t flippin’ feel like it!” You know that voice, don’t you? The voice governs you, or you govern the voice. It’s your call.
Where are you at?
Notice your response to these questions and depending on your answers, please allow me to assist you:
What are your goals for the year?
How are they going?
What are you doing well? Not well?
What accountability structure do you have?
What happens if you fall behind?
Please join me in my goal accountability group, called Your Best Year Yet Mojo Dojo Support Group, and let’s get to work on what matters most to you!
Join me and just up to 10 others from my community who want to win this year and make it their best year ever, day by day, moment by moment, and have this year be an extraordinary one.
Why it exists and how you benefit:
Because without this kind of structure – unless you are ultra-disciplined and even then, you are still human – you will not achieve the result of the satisfaction that you know is possible. You and I both know this.
With a structure around you and peers to support you, it becomes more difficult to not produce the results you want that are important to you.
How it works (below is in this form too. Here it is again:
What do you really want this year – don’t over think it, just write what comes to you:
What are you willing to sacrifice that will stand you a very good chance of achieving that? e.g., distraction, alcohol, social media, trivia, time wasting, following through on my promises, going to bed at 21h30 on weekdays…
The cost is an annual payment of ZAR25,000 or a monthly payment of ZAR2900 per month, or £2,500 or 290 per month. I am in/ I am interested and have some questions. Please call me!
Note:
Registration closes on 28th Feb 2023.
You will receive a link to a Google Document, which will be your master Goal sheet, outlining your purpose, vision, goals, and strategy. You will be sharing this with others, and you will see other’s sheets too.
At the end of each week, you will submit your results and actions for the following week.
Every two weeks we will have a Zoom check in on progress, victories, challenges, reflections, and insights, and provide tools, process, and insights to assist us on our journeys.
You’ll be assigned an ‘accountability buddy.’
You will receive email and WhatsApp reminders from me.
We will touch base personally with each other at least twice per month.
Good luck and here’s wishing you a great year ahead!
“I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.”
Mark Twain
It’s a great quote from Mark Twain, isn’t it?
Why is it that life seems at times so ridiculously simple and easy and yet a moment later or at other times, it can appear so elusive, frustrating, and complicated?
I think the reason is that we have different parts of our brain operating at different times. Professor Steve Allen who authored the excellent Chimp Paradox, covers this notion wonderfully well by saying that we have three parts of our brain: the Human, the Computer, and the Chimp. And it’s the chimp – the emotional centre of the brain – that creates so much havoc with our lives.
Let’s see it play out now…
Notice how you respond when I ask you this question: what do you want? Notice how you give an intuitive and immediate response, perhaps something like, “I want to be happy… I want to spend more time with my family…. I want to be free to express myself… I want World Peace.” It doesn’t matter what you say, but right there, isn’t there a perfectly valid response? Now, notice how the Chimp mind enters the fray, saying, something like, “that says that’s not much of an answer… I need to think about it… I’m not sure, I’ve tried that before…” and on it goes, incessantly. Before we know it, that beautiful clear feeling and vision has gone!
Here’s another example: we know that eating less and exercising more is good for us, so we have this great idea at the start of a new year to lose those excess kilos and hit the road and with great gusto and enthusiasm we set the alarm for 06h00 as we go to bed.
And then, as the alarm goes off in the morning, our friend – and he/she is a friend, strangely, because he/she is trying to keep us safe and not take any risks! ¬- tells us that we should “take it easy… tomorrow is a better day to do it because it won’t be raining then, and, and, and.”
So, the ship steers off course and we start to repeat those same familiar patterns, the next day, and the day after that, so we get more of what we don’t want.
So, what about from this moment you begin again. I love the notion of beginning again because we can always just, well, begin again! The past is in the past and the future has not yet happened and all we ever have at this moment. So, just begin again tomorrow when the alarm goes off, and this time put it down in the kitchen, or outside, because when that daylight hits your senses, the body gets the signal to wake up!
Now, go forth and multiply!
Please join me in my goal accountability group, called the Your Best Year Yet Mojo Dojo Support Group, and let’s get to work on what matters most to you! Fill out the form, the info is here as well:
Your Best Year Yet Mojo Dojo Support Group
What it is: Join me and just up to 10 others from my community who want to win this year and make it their best year ever, day by day, moment by moment, and have this year be an extraordinary one.
Why it exists and how you benefit:
Because without this kind of structure – unless you are ultra-disciplined and even then, you are still human – you will not achieve the result of the satisfaction that you know is possible. You and I both know this.
With a structure around you and peers to support you, it becomes more difficult to not produce the results you want that are important to you.
How it works (the below is in the form too.)
Your name:
What you do:
How you heard about the Dojo:
Email address:
Contact number:
What do you really want this year – don’t over think it, just write what comes to you:
What are you willing to sacrifice that will stand you a very good chance of achieving that? e.g., distraction, alcohol, social media, trivia, time wasting, following through on my promises, going to bed at 21h30 on weekdays…
The cost is an annual payment of ZAR25,000 or a monthly payment of ZAR2900 per month, or £2,500 or 290 per month. I am in/ I am interested and have some questions. Please call me!
You will receive a link to a Google Document, which will be your master Goal sheet, outlining your purpose, vision, goals, and strategy. You will be sharing this with others, and you will see other’s sheets too.
At the end of each week, you will submit your results and actions for the following week.
Every two weeks we will have a Zoom check in on progress, victories, challenges, reflections, and insights, and provide tools, process, and insights to assist us on our journeys.
You’ll be assigned an ‘accountability buddy.’
You will receive email and WhatsApp reminders from me.
We will touch base personally with each other at least twice per month.
Good luck and here’s wishing you a great year ahead!
“Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.” (Sign hanging in Albert Einstein’s office at Princeton.)
It’s that time of year when many of us tend to wrap up one year and plan for the next.
This article covers:
Why we do it
Where it comes from
My process of reviewing one year and planning the next.
An invitation for you to join me in making next year a great one for you.
Why we do it now, at the end, and beginning of each year:
It turns out that New Year’s resolutions were first used by the Babylonians more than 4,000 years ago to please and win the favour of the gods. It seems logical, doesn’t it? “Please give me Y if I pledge to do X this year because last year I didn’t do so well and was a big jerk.”
It’s interesting that these resolutions were founded on agreements and promises to others – something that is missing from modern day ‘resolutions.’ Resolute means admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering. Not much of that in most New Year’s resolutions, you may agree.
Why even bother reviewing and planning?
Doesn’t it often feel like we are living in an ever more volatile, uncertain, chaotic, and ambiguous (VUCA) world? We have NO idea what we will wake up to, or what will happen, on any given day and the list of those VUCA moments sometimes feels endless.
What is it then about us human beings that we keep planning, hoping, praying, striving, doing, living, breathing, and believing, in the face of this VUCA-ness?
We are meaning seeking and making beings. We have been making things up, inventing things, envisioning, and telling stories for the past 80,000 years. It’s what we do, regardless of war, famine, and societal collapse.
My journey and process – from New Year’s resolutions.
These looked like losing weight, getting fit, getting a great job or making more money. I did this between the ages of 16-30. This would come to me about 23h59 on New Year’s Eve, and would disappear by about mid-day the next day, the first day of the year, like a dream.
It wasn’t all so bad. At least I thought about it and had an intention, however loose, about what I wanted. Like Einstein’s quote, above, there was much that could not be measured in this. Who’s to say that because of thinking about getting fit, it didn’t eventually materialise into the svelte (slender and elegant;) person I am today!?
Next up was the yearly review of the previous year and the plan for the upcoming year.
The natural progression then was to be more deliberate about the process, something I have done for the last 25 years, which I call my yearly review and plan, which has taken on different shapes but has broadly looked like this:
Set goals, break them down and have a plan of action
Then at the end of year, review: What were my greatest successes, and what did I learn from them? What were my biggest failures, and what did I learn from them?
What worked, didn’t work and what am I going to do differently?
It was all pretty logical and well, dull. Each time I reviewed my list I felt quite disappointed, and that was mostly at the end of the year, when it was all done!
And then, in the last couple of years, I have done things differently and with a lot more success, making allowance for the mystical; the unpredictable, and the ‘chance meeting.’ It has allowed me to go with the flow more, whilst at the same time, have sufficient structure.
A note on success.
How successful have I been? What is success? I think this is a good definition by Deepak Chopra:
The realisation of worthy goals and the continued expansion of happiness.
Whilst I have not been as ‘successful’ as I would like – when are we ever? – I acknowledge that I am successful per the above definition, and I hope you can feel that too.
What came next?
This year I read up about a slightly different approach by Tim Ferriss, of 4-Hour Work-Week book fame, who suggests a yearly review by simply going through your calendar, week by week or month by month, and identifying your list of loves and loathes for the year, those meetings, encounters, experiences that were highs and lows, and then scheduling more of those loves and avoid more of the loathes.
Whatever you do it, it’s always only and ever about the-present-moment.
All these approaches are useful to some degree, but if you take a closer look, you’ll notice a focus on the past and the future and nothing on the PRESENT, the NOW.
Which leads me to this year and my invitation to you:
My honest reflection has been that whilst I do a lot right, the missing piece is being held accountable; something I do in several areas, but not in my yearly planning, until now. Accountability works.
It’s why we have lessons, get homework assignments that get marked, it’s why we have a coach or personal trainer, a running partner, a financial planner, a wife! It’s much easier to just do it on our own, but as the saying goes, easy choices, hard life, hard choices, easy life.
When it comes to achieving goals, consider this:
You are 10% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down and review them regularly
You are 50% less likely to achieve your goals if you share with people, with no accountability, because your brain has tricked you into believing you have already done it!
You are 80% more likely to achieve your goals if you are rigorously held accountable for them and you commit to the process for a year and you take consistent action
You are 95% more likely to achieve your goals if you are held accountable and you commit to doing the difficult s***, that makes all the difference; the stuff you don’t feel like doing, but you know makes the biggest impact, e.g. that call, that run in the cold, that next page of your book
Here is my invitation to you:
What it is:
Join me and just 10 others from my community who want to win in 2023 like never before, day by day, moment by moment, and have this year be an extraordinary one. It’s a 365-day challenge/ marathon.
Why it exists and how you benefit:
Because without this kind of structure – unless you are ultra-disciplined and even then, you are still human – you will not achieve the result of the satisfaction that you know is possible.
With a structure around you and peers to support you, it becomes more difficult to not produce the results you want that are important to you.
How it works:
Send me an email to si@siekin.com with 1-3 sentences explaining WHY you want to do this. I need to check that you are serious about this, and you will stand the test and be counted on, right up to the end. Once I hear from you, I’ll give you a call
Once you are in, I’ll send you a payment link: it’s a monthly payment of ZAR2500 (approx. £125 or $147 as at December 2022)
I will send you a link to a Google Document, which your Goal sheet, outlining your purpose, vision, goals, and strategy. You will be sharing this with others, and you will see other’s sheets too. We will be a very tight outfit
At the end of each week, we will submit our results and actions for the following week.
Every two weeks we will have a Zoom check in on progress, victories, challenges, reflections, and insights, and provide tools, process, and insights to assist us on our journeys
You’ll be assigned an ‘accountability buddy’
You will receive email and WhatsApp reminders from me
We will touch base personally with each other at least twice per month
The offer closes at midnight on 31st January 2023, however we will start when you are ready from 16th Jan, and start officially from 1st Feb until 15th Dec
Note you will get 16th-30th Jan as a complimentary test-drive
Again, the next step is to send me an email here: si@siekin.com sharing your reason WHY you would like to do this, and I will be in touch with you.
Finally, I just received this from a dear friend and the timing was perfect! It’s a great reminder that yes, all of the above is relevant, but so too is this!
No, 2023 won’t be the best year yet. Nor will it be the worst. You see, a year is a mosaic of absolutely everything. Joy, fear, heartache, loss, beauty, pain, love. Failure, learning, friendship, misery, exhilaration. Each day, each moment even, is a tiny shard of glass in this beautiful, confusing creation. 2023 will be another mosaic to add to your wall of art. A wall that shows the life, you are continuously gifted. A wall that shows you are human. A wall of survival. I wish you many broken pieces of glass this year, my friends. Because this is living. And before you march on into another year of “everything”, pause to look back, at the work you have created thus far. It is quite something. You are quite something. Now onwards we go, my friends. Onwards we go.
Donna Ashworth ‘Life’
Good luck and here’s wishing you a great year ahead!
I have it on good authority that what frustrates women most about us men is our ‘suffering in silence.’
We can all relate, I am sure. You know when something is up for someone, you can see it – the change in face, body, and tone of voice. And then we ask, “what’s up?” Answer: “Nothing.”
Whilst I focus on working with men, I believe that we are ‘human first;’ for example, the trait of ‘suffering in silence’ is known to people, old and young.
Why do we men particularly do this? I can only rely on my experience accurately, but I am sure some of what I say will resonate with you:
I saw my dad do this and I modelled it
I was told to shut up, not cry and be a man
There is so much evidence to be strong and dependable, think the strong silent type?!
It’s in our DNA too, it is argued that nature is a more powerful force than nurture, although the jury’s out. In the days of being in the cave – which wasn’t nearly as long ago as the thousands of years might indicate! – our job as men was to go and hunt and protect. Our wiring is still there, have you noticed? Remember what happened when someone last cut in the traffic or started an argument with you?
Back then, there were no excuses. We come back with meat, and we got the rewards. No meat and we’ll soon be ousted from the tribe. What’s the point in talking and sharing feelings in that world? Anyway, they are messy, complicated and a complete minefield. Women seem to be so natural at it, let’s just leave it to them!
So, these pointers, background, and influences, don’t help us much, in a world that is changing – really, really changing – before our eyes.
“I am fine…don’t worry about me…and nothing’s wrong,” are recipes for decay, divorce and worse. The biggest killer of men is suicide, by the way.
But the answer is closer, far closer, than we think:
Access our feminine side. (“Oh God, here we go,” I can almost hear you say, because I say it to myself too!)
We are complex creatures, and we know so little about ourselves, but consider this: within all of us, even the most macho, resides masculine and feminine elements, and by embracing, exploring, and discovering these elements, we really get to the good stuff and become far happier and more balanced.
Still not sure? Consider these ideas around positive masculine and feminine traits. You can join the dots with the negative ones:
Positive masculine traits:leadership, strength, and courage
Positive feminine traits:nurturing, compassion and caring
Perhaps you would agree at first glance, but sometimes some of those traits are reversed, for example in relationships. In mine, because I express my emotions more readily, I sometimes feel more ‘feminine’. My wife is often, far more grounded and calmer, except when any perceived danger to the children comes about!
In my experience, women are often far more courageous than men, whilst some men show great compassion. The 80/20 rule though, generally applies, I think. Most men are like ‘that’, most women are like ‘that’, as a guideline. The worst is when men and women step out of their power and try to be something they are not, something forced, something that ‘society expects.’
Here are my top 5 benefits of embracing and exploring our feminine side, hard as **** as it might sometimes feel, gents!
We get the benefit of the women in our lives, who are gifted with extraordinary wisdom, intelligence, and compassion.
We get to connect emotionally, physically, and intimately with them, because women love it when we express ourselves and our vulnerabilities. (Make friends with that word or be forever limited.)
You’ll have far more balance, ease, joy, and grace. You’ll be like a bird that can fly, instead of a bird on the ground with a flapping, redundant wing.
You’ll be able to go with the flow more, and allow life to unfold, without feeling like you must fight it or fix it.
You’ll look after yourself more and probably live longer, have more fun and experience more satisfaction. You’ll feel far better than you often do.
How the hell do you do this? It’s a new skill and it takes work and sometimes it’s hard. I had a conversation with an associate recently a very wise woman, who suggested that the highest power of the feminine is pleasure and the highest power of the masculine is humour. Pretty cool, wouldn’t you say?
I hope those pointers are useful: focus on pleasure and humour and see what unfolds.
What do you think? Why not drop me a line: simon@simonekin.com. I always love hearing from people.
Remember, don’t take care, take a risk!
‘Mojestically’ yours,
Si.
Helping men get their Mojo back! #Success #Life #Men
As a young man aged 19, I was going through military training to become an officer the royal Military Academy Sandhurst. We were new cadets, and the first six weeks was all about breaking us down to build us up so we engaged in a lot in some mind-numbing activities like, ‘bulling’ boots – polishing to a glass-like shine – ironing, and cleaning lavatories with toothbrushes late into the night and being deprived of sleep so that they could test our decision-making, tenacity and resilience.
One evening we were bulling boots and the instructor, a Colour Sergeant in the Scots Guards, with the walrus moustache and a similar attitude to match said to me, “Mr. Ekin, how can you be so f***ing ugly with just one head?”
It caught me surprise. I had never considered myself to be ugly! My mum even used to call me “my good-looking son,” and after that, I started to doubt whether she even meant it or was just saying it to be nice, when in fact I looked like Quasimodo!
However, it hurt. I think he was quite a nasty man, and a bully, but that’s history. Such is the power of those we place power in, who can so easily abuse it. I expected to be ‘broken down.’ I didn’t expect to be humiliated.
It still catches me occasionally in my moments of self-doubt but what I’m able to recognize now is to consciously separate out what happened – a bunch of gas, pressure, vibrating vocal cords and saliva, and the workings of along muscle called the tongue – from the meaning, or story that I added, that I was ugly.
Here’s what I learned/ reflected on:
Monkey Mind: Pay attention to the voice in your head – otherwise known as Monkey Mind or Internal Dialogue – and observe how, like leaves that rustle with the wind, they never stop. Just watch them flying by!
The Facts: It’s useful to look at what was said and then the meaning, or interpretation we had, otherwise it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagine if I had believed what he said, ongoingly. We are not very good at these as human beings, because emotions, unchecked, are very, very powerful. Remember, emotion trumps logic every time, unless we are aware of it. (Ever been into a shop with no intention of buying something, or not even having the money for it, and came out with something you didn’t even need or want? That’s emotion for you!)
Watch catastrophisation: Often we tend to escalate those thoughts and repeat, which is called ‘catastrophisation.’ What to do? Speak to someone. A problem shared is a problem halved. Just getting it out of our heads and speaking it, can have a very positive impact on the problem itself.
Does this trigger any memories for you? Anything you want to share? Why not drop me a line: simon@simonekin.com. I always love hearing from people.
Remember, don’t take care, take a risk!
‘Mojestically’ yours,
Si.
Helping men get their Mojo back! #Success #Life #Men
