I have it on good authority that what frustrates women most about us men is our ‘suffering in silence.’
We can all relate, I am sure. You know when something is up for someone, you can see it – the change in face, body, and tone of voice. And then we ask, “what’s up?” Answer: “Nothing.”
Whilst I focus on working with men, I believe that we are ‘human first;’ for example, the trait of ‘suffering in silence’ is known to people, old and young.
Why do we men particularly do this? I can only rely on my experience accurately, but I am sure some of what I say will resonate with you:
- I saw my dad do this and I modelled it
- I was told to shut up, not cry and be a man
- There is so much evidence to be strong and dependable, think the strong silent type?!
It’s in our DNA too, it is argued that nature is a more powerful force than nurture, although the jury’s out. In the days of being in the cave – which wasn’t nearly as long ago as the thousands of years might indicate! – our job as men was to go and hunt and protect. Our wiring is still there, have you noticed? Remember what happened when someone last cut in the traffic or started an argument with you?
Back then, there were no excuses. We come back with meat, and we got the rewards. No meat and we’ll soon be ousted from the tribe. What’s the point in talking and sharing feelings in that world? Anyway, they are messy, complicated and a complete minefield. Women seem to be so natural at it, let’s just leave it to them!
So, these pointers, background, and influences, don’t help us much, in a world that is changing – really, really changing – before our eyes.
“I am fine…don’t worry about me…and nothing’s wrong,” are recipes for decay, divorce and worse. The biggest killer of men is suicide, by the way.
But the answer is closer, far closer, than we think:
Access our feminine side. (“Oh God, here we go,” I can almost hear you say, because I say it to myself too!)
We are complex creatures, and we know so little about ourselves, but consider this: within all of us, even the most macho, resides masculine and feminine elements, and by embracing, exploring, and discovering these elements, we really get to the good stuff and become far happier and more balanced.
Still not sure? Consider these ideas around positive masculine and feminine traits. You can join the dots with the negative ones:
Positive masculine traits: leadership, strength, and courage
Positive feminine traits: nurturing, compassion and caring
Perhaps you would agree at first glance, but sometimes some of those traits are reversed, for example in relationships. In mine, because I express my emotions more readily, I sometimes feel more ‘feminine’. My wife is often, far more grounded and calmer, except when any perceived danger to the children comes about!
In my experience, women are often far more courageous than men, whilst some men show great compassion. The 80/20 rule though, generally applies, I think. Most men are like ‘that’, most women are like ‘that’, as a guideline. The worst is when men and women step out of their power and try to be something they are not, something forced, something that ‘society expects.’
Here are my top 5 benefits of embracing and exploring our feminine side, hard as **** as it might sometimes feel, gents!
- We get the benefit of the women in our lives, who are gifted with extraordinary wisdom, intelligence, and compassion.
- We get to connect emotionally, physically, and intimately with them, because women love it when we express ourselves and our vulnerabilities. (Make friends with that word or be forever limited.)
- You’ll have far more balance, ease, joy, and grace. You’ll be like a bird that can fly, instead of a bird on the ground with a flapping, redundant wing.
- You’ll be able to go with the flow more, and allow life to unfold, without feeling like you must fight it or fix it.
- You’ll look after yourself more and probably live longer, have more fun and experience more satisfaction. You’ll feel far better than you often do.
How the hell do you do this? It’s a new skill and it takes work and sometimes it’s hard. I had a conversation with an associate recently a very wise woman, who suggested that the highest power of the feminine is pleasure and the highest power of the masculine is humour. Pretty cool, wouldn’t you say?
I hope those pointers are useful: focus on pleasure and humour and see what unfolds.
What do you think? Why not drop me a line: simon@simonekin.com. I always love hearing from people.
Remember, don’t take care, take a risk!
‘Mojestically’ yours,
Si.
Helping men get their Mojo back!
#Success #Life #Men
